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Post by lin on Apr 22, 2008 10:39:11 GMT -1
If anyone has any classics from kids, please lets here them  A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.' She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.' |
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Post by lin on Apr 22, 2008 10:39:29 GMT -1
A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'
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Post by lin on Apr 22, 2008 10:39:52 GMT -1
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane
Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'
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Post by lin on Apr 22, 2008 10:40:28 GMT -1
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '.... And so Chicken Little
Went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is
Falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that
Farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
'Holy S**t! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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Post by lin on Apr 22, 2008 10:41:36 GMT -1
A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a b i t c h is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a b i t c h is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you
Teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
Son of a b i t c h is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them
Was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 5:50:59 GMT -1
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
Old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
Shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
Tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 5:51:16 GMT -1
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
Children's' sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
Down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, direct ly into the minister's clip-on
Microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a b i t c h to iron.'
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 5:51:31 GMT -1
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
Tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
Asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me
Tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 5:51:47 GMT -1
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
Finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in
And out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
Sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 5:52:05 GMT -1
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 5:52:19 GMT -1
A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
Was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I p***ed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
Innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it
Didn't move'
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 14:56:44 GMT -1
How would you make a marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 14:57:37 GMT -1
How would the world be different if people didn't get married?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 14:57:54 GMT -1
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 14:58:09 GMT -1
When is it okay to kiss someone?
When they're rich.
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 14:58:24 GMT -1
What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 14:59:12 GMT -1
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
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Post by tony38337 on Apr 23, 2008 15:47:30 GMT -1
As I told my Granddaughter (aged 5 at the time) I love children but I couldn't manage a whole one!
Tony T
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Post by Lisa on Apr 23, 2008 15:50:37 GMT -1
Hi Tony, Great to see you. Long time no hear. How's things been?
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Post by lin on Apr 23, 2008 15:51:35 GMT -1
HI TONY..JUST POSTED TO YOU ASKING HOW THINGS WERE ON THE CHATLINE.
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Post by lin on Apr 24, 2008 5:56:04 GMT -1
What do most people do on a date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
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Post by lin on Apr 24, 2008 5:56:24 GMT -1
What do you think your mum and dad have in common?
Both don't want any more kids.
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Post by lin on Apr 24, 2008 5:56:48 GMT -1
How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
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Post by lin on Apr 24, 2008 5:57:13 GMT -1
What is the right age to get married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
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Post by lin on Apr 24, 2008 5:57:39 GMT -1
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
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Post by lin on Apr 24, 2008 5:58:02 GMT -1
How do you decide who to marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
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Post by june on Apr 27, 2008 6:51:03 GMT -1
was thinking back to funny things my kids used to say ,remember being stood at a bustop with em at a busy rd when they spotted there nana going to the PO on the other side they all started shouting her but she culd'nt here them so i said shout louder an then my youngest who was about 5 at the time starting shouting "louder" "louder" everyone at the bustop was in fits ;D
another thing i remember is my eldest son coming in from the garden playing on a cold day an asked for some soup i said choose the one u want an i'll warm it for you ,then he shouted in from the kitchen can i have some cleary soup said i've got no cleary soup on getting up to have a look he was holding a tin of celery soup ;D
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Post by lin on Apr 27, 2008 8:55:27 GMT -1
JUNE, YES I REMEMBER THINGS LIKE THOSE WHICH HAPPENED WITH OURS, TOO MANY TO MENTION, SOME LONG FORGOTTEN AS WELL  THEY USED TO COME OUT WITH THINGS THAT WE ALWAYS USED TO SAY, IT WAS AN OLD HEAD ON YOUNG SHOULDERS ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by june on Apr 27, 2008 14:09:26 GMT -1
i know lin i said somthing to ma G/som the other day an he said now your being c o c k y nana i was in fits an he was dead serious ;D a just said now you know how it feels ;D
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Post by lin on Apr 27, 2008 15:22:35 GMT -1
THEY'RE SO FUNNY AREN'T THEY? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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