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Post by lin on Mar 2, 2007 16:57:00 GMT -1
THIS IS BASICALLY IF YOU HAVE HAD ANY FUNNY INSTANCES OR ONE UP ON THE LAW SO TO SPEAK ...
ONE I CAN THINK OF MYSELF WAS WHEN I USED TO RIDE A MOPED TO WORK...I WAS LEAVING WORK ONE DAY AND WAS JUST APPROACHING A VERY LARGE ROUNDABOUT, AND I NOTICED A CAR IN FRONT OF ME THAT HAD A BREAK LIGHT OUT, WHEN I PULLED ALONGSIDE OF IT I REALISED IT WAS A POLICE CAR...WELL THIS IS ME, OPEN MOUTH BEFORE ENGAGING BRAIN...LOL! I KNOCKED ON THE DRIVERS SIDE WINDOW AND AS HE OPENED IT I SAID TO HIM, DO YOU KNOW YOUR DRIVERS SIDE BREAK LIGHT IS OUT? HE SAID, ARE TRYING TO BE FUNNY...WELL I WASN'T TRYING TO BE FUNNY, AND I SAID SO, I SAID, NO I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT YOU BREAKLIGHT IS OUT, I'M JUST DOING WHAT YOU WOULD DO TO ME OR ANY OTHER DRIVER IT WAS THEIR LIGHT THAT WAS OUT.HE STILL KEPT SAYING ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY, AND BY THIS TIME I WAS GETTING A BIT ANNOYED ABOUT IT, SO I SAID TO HIM, WHY DON'T YOU OR YOUR PARTNER GET OUT OF THE B L O O D Y CAR AND LOOK FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE YOUR LIGHT IS OUT...ANYWAY THEY FOUND OUT IT WAS AND LOOKED VERY RED FACED BUT SMUG WITH IT...I WASN'T TRYING TO BE FUNNY BUT AFTER THAT I HAVE TO SAY, I FELT GOOD ABOUT IT....LOL!
LIN ;D
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Post by Lisa on Mar 2, 2007 17:00:16 GMT -1
Hi Lin, At this rate we'll have to come to bail you out of prison.......
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Post by lin on Mar 2, 2007 17:12:59 GMT -1
LOL!
ANOTHER ONE WAS MY DEAR OLD MUM GOD BLESS HER, SHE WAS DRIVING OVER THE TAMAR BRIDGE HERE ONE DAY, AND WE WERE CHATTING AWAY IN THE CAR AND I SAID TO HER, I THINK THE POLICE ARE WAVING YOU DOWN...SO SHE PULLED IN ONCE OVER THE BRIDGE, BOTH WONDERING WHAT WAS WRONG....BUT THERE DIDN'T SEEM TO BE ANYTHING WRONG AT THE TIME BUT COULD HAVE BEEN AFTER MY MUMS REPLY TO THE COPS....THEY ASKED HER IF IT WAS HER CAR, SHE SAID YES, ASKED HER FOR HER DRIVERS LICIENCE WHICH SHE GAVE THEM...THEN THEY ASKED HER THE NUMBER OF HER CAR, SHE REPLIED, IT'S ON THE DRIVERS LICIENCE...ONCE AGAIN AS THEY DO, THEY ASKED HER IS SHE BEING FUNNY, SHE SAID NO, SO THEY ASKED HER AGAIN, SHE SAID, WELL I DON'T KNOW SHE SAID WHY DON'T YOU LOOK YOURSELF, IT'S ON THE BACK AND THE FRONT OF THE CAR...AGAIN THEY REPEATED THE QUESTION SO SHE GOT OUT THE CAR AND WENT TO BACK OF IT AND READ IT OFF THE NUMBER PLATE...SHE HONESTLY DIDN'T KNOW THE NUMBER OFF HAND, THEY GAVE HER BACK HER LICIENCE TRYING NOT TO LAUGH, AND SAID, SHE SHOULDN'T TRY AND BE FUNNY NEXT TIME...LOL!
LIN.
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Post by Lisa on Mar 2, 2007 17:14:34 GMT -1
Hi Lin, Like mother, like daughter...........  LOL! ANOTHER ONE WAS MY DEAR OLD MUM GOD BLESS HER, SHE WAS DRIVING OVER THE TAMAR BRIDGE HERE ONE DAY, AND WE WERE CHATTING AWAY IN THE CAR AND I SAID TO HER, I THINK THE POLICE ARE WAVING YOU DOWN...SO SHE PULLED IN ONCE OVER THE BRIDGE, BOTH WONDERING WHAT WAS WRONG....BUT THERE DIDN'T SEEM TO BE ANYTHING WRONG AT THE TIME BUT COULD HAVE BEEN AFTER MY MUMS REPLY TO THE COPS....THEY ASKED HER IF IT WAS HER CAR, SHE SAID YES, ASKED HER FOR HER DRIVERS LICIENCE WHICH SHE GAVE THEM...THEN THEY ASKED HER THE NUMBER OF HER CAR, SHE REPLIED, IT'S ON THE DRIVERS LICIENCE...ONCE AGAIN AS THEY DO, THEY ASKED HER IS SHE BEING FUNNY, SHE SAID NO, SO THEY ASKED HER AGAIN, SHE SAID, WELL I DON'T KNOW SHE SAID WHY DON'T YOU LOOK YOURSELF, IT'S ON THE BACK AND THE FRONT OF THE CAR...AGAIN THEY REPEATED THE QUESTION SO SHE GOT OUT THE CAR AND WENT TO BACK OF IT AND READ IT OFF THE NUMBER PLATE...SHE HONESTLY DIDN'T KNOW THE NUMBER OFF HAND, THEY GAVE HER BACK HER LICIENCE TRYING NOT TO LAUGH, AND SAID, SHE SHOULDN'T TRY AND BE FUNNY NEXT TIME...LOL! LIN. |
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Post by lin on Mar 2, 2007 17:20:00 GMT -1
IN SOME WAYS YES, MOST WAYS...NO...LOL! LIN  |
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Post by bodzy3 on Mar 3, 2007 0:11:44 GMT -1
I got pulled once, by a not very happy policeman ,he told me he had caught me speeding in a 30mph zone and that he would be reporting me , He said " anything you wish to say will be taken down and used against you "is there anything you wish to say" , " Yes Officer" , I said "please dont hit me again" He was not amused
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Post by tony38337 on Mar 3, 2007 7:43:47 GMT -1
Walking down Whitworth St at about 10pm with a mate and two coppers approaching from behind one called out "What ya got in yer pockets black boy?" Now that kind of attitude really p i s s e s me off, the fat one was a bit slower but his younger mate caught us up and as he got near I yelled out to Sid RUN and I kicked the copper in the knee, boy did we run.
Tony T.
Tony T.
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Post by lin on Mar 3, 2007 9:32:10 GMT -1
HEY BODZY I BET HE WASN'T...BUT I LIKE IT...LOL! LIN |
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Post by lin on Mar 3, 2007 9:34:02 GMT -1
TONY..I'M WITH YOU ON THAT ONE, THE ATTITUDE STINKS. LIN |
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Post by lin on Mar 3, 2007 9:44:32 GMT -1
ALMOST FORGOT THIS ONE...WERE WERE DRIVING BACK HOME WITH FRIENDS AFTER SPENDING A DAY OUT, IT WAS EARLY EVENING, SUMMER TIME, AND WE WERE GOING TO GO BACK HOME DROP OFF THE CAR AND GO OUT FOR A FEW DRINKS...WE HAD ABOUT 15 MILES LEFT TO DRIVE HOME...WE WERE ON QUITE A NARROW ROAD IN SLOW MOVING TRAFFIC WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THIS CAR PULLED RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF US FROM A SIDE TURNING...ROGER SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES AND SWERVED TO AVOID THIS CAR GOING RIGHT INTO THE DRIVERS SIDE OF US...TWO HUGE BURLY GUYS GOT OUT THE CAR RANTING AND RAVING THAT IT WAS ROGER'S FAULT, AND I RECOGNISED THE TWO GUYS...IT ALL HAPPENED IN A SPLIT SECOND BUT I JUMPED OUT THE CAR AND ONTO THE BONNET AND SAID TO THESE GUYS ALMOST EYEBALL TO EYEBALL, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING...WELL IT STOPPED THEM IN THEIR TRACKS, THEY IMMEDIATELY BACKED OFF AND WENT BACK TO THEIR CAR....THE GUYS WERE ONLY TWO LOCAL COPS...MAKES YOU WONDER DOESN'T IT? THEY WERE NOT IN A POLICE CAR BUT THEIR OWN CAR BUT I KNEW I RECOGNISED THEM...NOW WHETHER THEY HAD BEEN DRINKING OR NOT IS ANOTHER MATTER, BUT I JUST PUT THE SUGGESTION IN THEIR HEADS BECAUSE AS I SAID IT TO THEM I WAS MAKING OUT I WAS SMELLING THEIR BREATH...LOL! THEY MUST HAVE THOUGHT I WAS SOME SORT OF MAD WOMAN BECAUSE I WAS ABSOLUTELY FUMING. LIN |
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Post by Lisa on Mar 4, 2007 12:51:10 GMT -1
Are they still looking for you Tony? because I'm sure I saw your photo on Crimewatch?   Walking down Whitworth St at about 10pm with a mate and two coppers approaching from behind one called out "What ya got in yer pockets black boy?" Now that kind of attitude really p i s s e s me off, the fat one was a bit slower but his younger mate caught us up and as he got near I yelled out to Sid RUN and I kicked the copper in the knee, boy did we run. Tony T. Tony T. |
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Post by tony38337 on Mar 5, 2007 8:53:05 GMT -1
Hi Lisa, If the fat git hasn't had a heart attack by now I'd be surprised and t'other? He probably went into obscurity having shown the world what a plonker he was and as it was in 1960 who really cares?
Tony T.
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Post by frankwalsh on Mar 5, 2007 10:43:03 GMT -1
Hi all i could not afford to have brushes with the law ,my grandfather was a sergeant in the Manchester city police. But i remember one night coming home from the pictures i called in the herbalist's for a root beer , and when i came out it was pelting down, so i shot across the road into the door way of the Con club,hard to imagine a Con club in Harpurhey, well anyway, as i dashed for it i bumped into a copper who was sheltering there , got talking and he asked me what i did , and had i ever thought of becoming a police man, i said what and be out half the night in this weather, he said something i have never forgotten, a good copper never gets wet. By the way the Con club is still standing, one of the few buidings left, it's not it's beauty thats saved it thats for sure. Regards Frank Walsh.
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Post by lin on Mar 6, 2007 15:32:41 GMT -1
HI FRANK...DIDN'T MEAN BAD BRUSHES WITH THE LAW, MORE FUNNY...I'M SURE YOU WERE A GOOD LAD LIN |
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Casso
Full Member
Posts: 130
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Post by Casso on Mar 6, 2007 17:04:42 GMT -1
In the late 50's we were a hard core of about a dozen who were always together. All were dedicated bachelors, with numerous girlfriends dotting the landscape. Frank W, in particular, was never going to get wed, "The day I get married I'll show my arse on the town hall steps," was his favourite matrimonial statement.
You've guessed it. Came the day he was due to marry Pat, and off we went to town for his stag night. We travelled in a retired taxi, owned by a consortium of the lads, one of those big pre-war jobs with tip-up seats in the back.
After the pub shut, we drove round to Albert Square and parked in front of the town hall. Frank led the way ceremonially up the steps, followed by about a dozen of us and Fly, Curly's dog.
I think a short speech was made and then Frank performed the act to loud applause. But as we descended to return to the car, we were confronted by a lone constable.
Uh oh, Frank's gunna be nicked for an indecency to Queen Vic's statue, we thought. "I don't want to see as many get in as got out of that car," he says. "Certainly not constabule," we chorussed, as we bade him goodnight, and a group of us walked off to be picked up a couple of minutes later. Not exactly Crime and Punishment, but the boys in blue weren't all bad, and some of 'em could count ...
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Post by lin on Mar 6, 2007 17:18:51 GMT -1
Hi Casso....doesn't have to be bad, sounded like it was all fun Lin:) |
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Post by lin on Mar 6, 2007 19:54:28 GMT -1
THAT WAS A NARROW ESCAPE TOMMY...YES WE DO STUPID THINGS WHEN YOUNGER, BUT THERE ARE ALSO THOSE UNFORTUNATELY THAT NEVER GROW UP AS WELL, THERE'S A FEW OF THEM DOWN OUR WAY.
LIN
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Post by fluffymoat4 on Mar 6, 2007 21:34:52 GMT -1
When I was about 20 I was walking home with my younger brother when he spotted a beautiful red rose hanging over a garden wall. He promptly broke it off to give to his girlfriend later that day. We had almost reached home when a police car screeched to a halt and my brother was bundled into the back (banging his head on the doorframe). I asked why and where they were taking him but they just ignored me and drove off. I was in a right state when I got home and eventually managed to relate the story to my parents. When they went to pick him up from the police station they learned that this chap had been having his roses "nicked" for several weeks and this latest incident prompted him to call the police! Luckily my brother wasn't charged with anything but it did shake us both up.
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Post by fluffymoat4 on Mar 6, 2007 21:41:03 GMT -1
My then toddler had been busy playing with his toys on the floor - about three basketloads, I had just sorted some laundry into piles ready for the washing machine, plus I'd been sorting through some old magazines to give to a friend and they lay haphazardly all over the dining table. Suddenly the phone rang. It was my sister who hadn't long since given birth. She needed some help urgently so I quickly put on our coats, locked up and headed for the bus. I got my husband to pick me up from hers and we headed home in the dark. It was obvious we'd been burgled as the first thing our son pointed out was "Look, no t.v. No Postman Pat!" We phoned the police and they came immediately, taking down details of everything we could think of that had been taken. Eventually, as they got up to leave, one asked if we'd like assistance clearing up the mess that the burglars had left. I blushed as I explained that it was OUR mess!!
To Tony - I too hope your operation goes well - I'll be keeping fingers and toes crossed for you.
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Post by tony38337 on Mar 7, 2007 9:28:37 GMT -1
Thanks Mo, I'm on count down now. Just two weeks & 6 days.
Lin? I was thinking about you on Sunday evening, we went to see Jethro at the Mayflower Theatre. I think you'r right y'know, about the pratt thing?
Tony T.
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Post by lin on Mar 7, 2007 9:55:33 GMT -1
Hi Tony...thought my ears were burning...lol! Yes he is a pratt no doubt about it...have you never seen him before? first and last time?...lol! Lin |
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Post by tony38337 on Mar 7, 2007 11:20:15 GMT -1
We have seen him on TV and he raised a chuckle so we bought a DVD the Christmas before last and that was OK but live I'm afraid he was a bit too crude for comfort. I'm not a prude but I think the true comedian doesn't need to rely on dirty jokes for all his material, after the first dozen it ceases to be funny.
Tony T.
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Post by lin on Mar 7, 2007 12:23:32 GMT -1
Hi Tony...yes I know what you mean, we had the same thing with Freddie Starr and also Jim Davidson, he was really crude, as is Chubby Brown.
Lin
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Post by tony38337 on Mar 9, 2007 8:11:24 GMT -1
There aren't many comedians who are entirely without blue material, Someone one told me that Tom O'Connor was one, Jimmy Cricket another and Jim Bowen I'm told doesn't go much further than smut. That's not a lot out of all the big names of comedy is it? But what does it tell us of the public?
Tony T.
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Post by lin on Mar 9, 2007 8:15:07 GMT -1
That is true...what do you think of Billy Connelly and the late Dave Allen?
Lin
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Post by tony38337 on Mar 9, 2007 8:27:11 GMT -1
Dave Allen was an absolute riot. My favourite most Dave Allen joke was a sketch he did on TV I think back in the 80's. He had this flat for sale and everything was voice controlled electronics. This bloke came to have a look round and Dave Allen showed him how it worked, they went into the room and D.A. said "Lights" and the lights came on, D.a. said "Subdued" and lights went down to low. D.a. said "Music, sexy" and Barry White came on singing. This guy looked round utterly enthralled and as he went to sit in this great big luxurious armchair in amazement he said "Well b u g g e r me" and Dave Allen yelled out NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Yep loved Dave Allen.
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Post by lin on Mar 9, 2007 8:31:35 GMT -1
I used to love sitting down watching Dave Allen on tv, I thought he was hilarious..I remember that sketch well, it couldn't get any better than that could it? boy I wish there were more like that today. Lin |
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Post by tony38337 on Mar 9, 2007 8:39:24 GMT -1
I remember when I was married to my ex I worked on the buses in Stockport. In the mid 60's they built us a new Club and I remember one Saturday night there was a comedian on called Bonk Shaw, he came onto the stage with a raincoat wrongly buttoned and a flat cap skewwhiff and carrying a pint pot, now this is usually where I leave but for some reason I didn't. I laughed so much I literally fell off my chair. I remember at the end of his show he stood on the stage to a standing ovation with tears rolling down his face, overwhelmed at his audiences appreciation, I don't remember one dirty joke. Sadly though I looked out for him I never saw him again.
Tony T
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Post by lin on Mar 9, 2007 8:46:42 GMT -1
I think sadly the problem today is that those sort of comedians are not sort after...too clean for people today...makes you wonder what happened to these people when you don't hear from them again...there are those that you don't hear anything about for years and years, and all of a sudden they pop out the blue...nice to know that they're still with us in body even if they're not working so much.
Lin
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Post by tony38337 on Mar 9, 2007 9:05:12 GMT -1
I remember Johnny Goontweed was a popular comedian in the 50's/60's and he made a bid for TV fame and jumped into obscurity. I think there are many comedians destined to sail the seas of clubland never to be known by the greater public, sort of the Flying Dutchmen of comedy.
Mike Reid is a favourite of mine I have great respect for him as a person and a comic. My favourite M.R. joke is "Two Geese migrating, following the M6 they come to Birmingham as a Jumbo takes off, one turns to the other and says "I wish I could fly that fast" the other replies "If you had four a r s e h o l e s on fire you probably would"" There I'm laughing as I type, worrapillock!
Tony T
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